Lessons in Obedience

Over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking quite a bit about the experience I had when I was pregnant with our fourth child, Lucy. I talked about it in a previous blog entitled "Thankfulness." You can get a fuller story there, but the very short version is that I did not want to have any more children, and I had a pathetic attitude. God then dealt with my heart by way of a rebuke and remembering a Bible verse. At that same time I learned another great lesson that is still a part of my everyday life. Here it is: If I will simply obey God's word, whether I feel like it or not, whether it makes sense to me or not (keeping in mind that I have a very limited picture of things), eventually, my emotions will follow. I started putting this idea to the test immediately. I've been testing it ever since that Sunday God rebuked me. And do you know what? It's true! When I obey God's word, my emotions do eventually follow. While it's not always immediate, sometimes it is. Like when I choose to sing praise and thanks songs when I'd rather throw a fit or be otherwise ugly. Almost always my emotions follow when I choose to truly thank and praise God from my heart. I think this is because my focus is changed. Instead of focusing on whatever is bothering me, I'm focusing on God, His goodness, His gifts, His character, etc. Emotions follow obedience pretty quickly in times such as this.

Other times, though, my emotions take a while to change. But I've found that it's important to keep obeying whether or not my emotions agree. My emotions are very tied up in my attitudes. (It seems this is true of most people I talk to.) I have to be very careful of the attitudes I embrace, because they affect my whole world. I personally find it more difficult to obey God's word when someone I love has been ugly to me. Maybe s/he's been short tempered with me, or perhaps even down right hateful. What do I do? I know what I want to do! I want to be hateful back and let her/him see how it feels to be treated that way. BUT...the Bible is my standard and what does it tell me to do? Forgive. Love my neighbor as myself. Forgive. Crucify my flesh. Forgive. Give thanks. Forgive again! These, among others, are the attitudes I should have. But this is so hard to do!!! God help me as I try to live this out. I am nowhere near perfect in this. Yet, when I do obey, God proves Himself so faithful...over and over again. My emotions don't always agree at that moment, but when they do, it reminds me of how important obedience is. And I'm not the only one changed by my obedience. It touches those who see it lived out in me. My husband, children, family and friends are all influenced by my obedience to God's word, especially in the face of difficulty. These are the people who are up close and personal. They see it all. They know. They really know.

I don't have to "feel like it" to obey God's word. I just need to do what it tells me to do. Period. Please don't sit there and think, "She is being legalistic..." No! I want to obey God! He has done so much in my life, it is truly amazing to me. I know what He has done inside of me...in my heart. The outflow of my love for Him is a desire to please Him. Well, the Bible tells me that I can please God by obeying Him. "If you love me, keep my commands," "Obedience is better than sacrifice," etc., so that's what I want to do! I don't want to ever knowingly walk in sin. Of course, I'm human, so sin happens in my life, but I don't want to embrace it.

I wish I could say that I had this area of my life conquered, but I can't. However, as I grow in it, I'm amazed at the changes I see in myself and my family. As my children see it practiced, they learn to practice it. As my husband experiences grace from me, he extends it back at later times. What do you know?! I feel motivated all over again! I should note, however: This is NOT easy to do. Reliance on God is absolutely necessary. In the flesh, this is impossible. But God's grace is abundant, and I can guarantee that He will give it to you as you rely on Him to help you obey. Yes...even in those difficult situations when your flesh doesn't even want to (but your spirit does)!

alligator hunt #1 2008

Timothy and I drove to Sanford Florida Friday night and met up with our gator hunting partner and good friend from my chaplain days at UCF. This is our third year hunting alligators together. We have come a long ways since our first trip. Thank God! We needed all our flexibility and patience for this hunt. We decide to try the boat ramp in Sanford instead of driving to the St. Johns River/Lake Jessup boat ramp on Hwy 46. Well we had trouble finding it, spent probably an extra 45 minutes looking. They had it well hidden. It was funny none of us were in a rush. We new what to expect, we new we had all night if needed (and it was).

We launched the boat and headed toward the north west end of the lake. The strategy on Jessup was going to be significantly different then Orange. Orange Lake has a lot of mud, hydrilla, dead trees and other cover, Jessup barely has any cover. In Orange you can chase the gator into the debris and catch it before he can get under, Jessup they go under when you are a hundred yards away. We were going to use a large treble hook on a fishing pole and cast it over the gator and snatch hook him. We have never been successful with this technique mainly because there is so much to hang up on in Orange Lake. As we went out we decided to start with our normal strategy of chasing and harpooning mainly because it is a lot of fun. We ran the one end of the lake and were now heading across the lake under the bridge. We began hunting the little bit of cover on the north shore east of the bridge when I notice this airboat getting way to close. I flashed him with my Q-beam and he flashed me with his blue light. I stopped and they came over for a visit. Needless to say my stearn light wasn't working, they were nice enough they gave me a green glow stick and a $50 ticket. They could have ticketed us for much more so we were appreciative. To my surprise I had my boat registration, however I didn't have my air horne (after a little thought I remember I threw it out a month ago because it didn't work). We had a nice chat and then moved on. They had told me that there were over 16,000 gators in the lake. For that many gators we sure didn't see a lot.

We went around a little island and came into an area with a number of sets of eyes. You could actually smell the alligators (much more like Orange Lake). While chasing some along the edge we ran into some type of grass the got on the shaft and prop. We worked around the island to an area with less grass and cleaned off the shaft by shaking the motor up and down. Usually after I do that the grass on the prop comes off as we run the motor. We went around the corner and Skelly harpooned a gator. When we were done messing with it I went to crank the motor. Couldn't get it to turn over. Sounded like a dead battery. We had just bought a new one because the handle from the motor hit both terminals of the old battery while the boat was being stored and melted them off. We tried our deep cell battery and I tried tapping the cables to what was left of the terminals on the first one with no success.

We new we needed to get the grass off the motor. The shaft of my motor sticks out six feet beyond the back of the boat so we used the bang stick to try to get it off.

We got a lot off but the motor still wouldn't turn over. When we hunt Orange Lake I have no problem jumping into the water, mud, grass etc. to get us going again. I did not want to get out into this water. I am not sure why. I was concerned by the fact that the water was 3-4 ft deep, and the mud was 2-3 ft deep. This is a deadly combination. You can get stuck in the mud over your head. However, looking back I think I was just scared of the unknown. This was a different lake and I didn't want to get out in chest deep water. We worked for a while trying to get things going and finally at about 1:00 AM we started trying to think of who had a boat. Skelly called his friends Amanda and Joe. Joe got his dad's boat. However, the motor wasn't working so the used the trolling motor to get out to us. He got to us about 5:30 that morning. In the mean time I laid down on the floor with Timothy and took a little nap. When he got to us Skelly climbed in his boat and Joe and Skelly cut the grass off the prop. It took close to 30 minutes to get it off. Once the prop was clear I could start the motor. A little humbling, because I could have just jumped in the water and cleared it off and we could of been up and going in less than an hour. This is the only time I have ever had someone come get me. I have been stuck a lot worse but have always managed to get out. We tied off on Joes boat and pulled him in since all he had was a trolling motor. Before we got to the bridge we untied Joe so he could manuver under the bridge with the trolling motor. By the time he got to the dock his battery was about dead. I really apprciate what Joe and Amanda did to come out in the middle of the night with only a trolling motor to help us in. I have had a lot of people call me friend, but it is in moments like this that you find out who your friends are.


What a night. The first night Skelly and I went gator hunting we slept on the lake as well. Our attitudes were totally different. This time it really wasn't a big deal. It was a beautiful night and we knew what to expect. I think we both felt bad for involving other people who could have been sleeping. As far as Timothy goes he woke up when we were just about done cleaning off the prop so he never knew about the events of the night. I told him I was tired and when we get to Skelly's we could sleep. His response was "Not me, I am not tired."

(Pictures are of previous years, we didn't take a carmera on this hunt.)

To God be the Glory

What Would the Modern Preacher Have Done? (Paul Washer)

What Would the Modern Preacher Have Done? (Paul Washer)

A Father's Love

We left our 2nd daughter, Claire, in the nursery at church one Sunday when she was one year old. We were pretty nervous about it because she didn't respond well the 1st time we left her (she stayed in the service with us in the church we had come from). This was now our 2nd attempt to leave her in the nursery. We made it through the service without anyone paging us, so we went to pick her up after the service was over. We were delighted to see her happily playing! On her little head was a precious crown made from a bulletin board border. She looked like the little princess she was (and still is!). Her back was to us so she didn't see us when we arrived... but then she heard our voices. She quickly spun around to find us. When she saw us her face lit up with pure joy, she threw her hands into the air and ran full speed toward us (hands still raised in abandonment), squealing with delight the whole way. It was one of the most precious moments of my life. While driving home I was reflecting on (reveling in!) Claire's response to us and it occurred to me: That is how we should approach God! Pure joy. Total abandon. Complete adoration and delight in Him. What a perfect picture to help me remember to do just that.

As I've reflected on that experience over the last couple of days I've had some further thoughts.

As a child I adored my own father in the same way. He was my hero. I knew He loved me without condition, and I loved him that way in return. As a teen and beyond I continued to feel the same way about my Dad. But as I grew, the expression of my love changed. I was better able to comprehend my Dad's precious love for me and so rather than just feeling adoration for him, I chose it. I knew that I didn't have to earn his love; he loved me simply because I was his daughter. And because of his great love for me I was compelled to choose it. It's hard to resist a love like that. I knew how very blessed I was (am) to have the father that I did. Of all the millions of choices, God picked ME to be my father's daughter. He picked me. What a huge blessing...one that I still marvel at! I wanted to do everything I could to please my dad--not because I had to, but because I loved him so much and wanted to bring honor to him. When I disappointed him I felt so ashamed--not because he shamed me, but simply because I disappointed him, and I so wanted to show my love for him by pleasing him. Isn't this how our relationship with our Heavenly Father is? Doesn't He draw us to him? And when we realize the depths of His love for us, aren't we compelled to love Him back? Isn't an expression of that love obedience to His Word...not because we have to, but because we love Him so much we want to honor and please Him?

My heart hurts for people who don't have the blessing of a relationship with their own father like I have with mine, in large part because it provides such a clear picture and understanding of God's love for us, as well as our response to that love. Maybe through seeing my father's love for me and mine for him, those observing will more clearly understand God's unfathomable love for them. It is truly amazing.

Thoughts on Forgiveness

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. In a family our size it is a necessary part of our daily existence! As I've been trying to teach my children about this skill, I started consciously paying attention to this area in my life. I use the word "skill," because it is just that..a skill. It is not something that comes naturally to us, yet it is something God commands us to practice. The more we practice it, the more proficient we become at it. When we don't practice forgiveness, we learn resentment and bitterness instead.

I thank God regularly that my parents practiced having forgiving attitudes and spirits in front of me. I saw it lived out on a daily basis. Sometimes it was easier to practice than other times, but forgiveness always prevailed. Both of my parents come from a background that would be labeled as unforgivable by some. And yet, through God's grace, my parents learned the value of forgiveness over anger, resentment and bitterness (even though the anger, resentment and bitterness would all have been justifiable). I watch and listen to people who get angry over unimportant things, like being cut off in traffic or skipped in front of in a line. Or what about the wife who is upset that her husband didn't take out the trash, or put things away properly or lift the toilet seat or... They go on and on about their "rights" being trampled upon. Why bother getting so upset over such mundane things? The only people affected by that kind of sour, unforgiving attitude are the offended and those who have to be around them! They don't realize that the venom they spew poisons them and their loved ones far more than it ever will the offender. Then there are other offenses more personal in nature. Hurtful words, attitudes, and/or actions from our loved ones, subtle betrayals of friends or family, outright attacks to our person or character, the loss of a friendship, etc.-- are all harder to forgive (esecially due to their more personal nature), but we are still commanded to forgive just the same. And then, of course, there are those offenses that seem unforgivable by any standard. This is an area I can't personally identify with. And yet I know...we are still commanded to forgive. Why? And how? To me, forgiveness is not excusing someone else's behaviors and sins. It is choosing to let God handle the situation in whatever way He thinks is best (without my intervention!); and it is releasing my spirit from the prison of bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is freedom.

I firmly believe that when we practice forgiving the small things it becomes easier to forgive the larger things. Forgiveness is as much attitude as it is action. The biggest casualty of unforgiveness isn't the unforgiven...it's the one withholding forgiveness. Unforgiveness is like poison to the spirit of the one who harbors it. I believe one of the reasons God commands us to forgive is for our own personal benefit. Bitterness is bad for your health--mental, physical and spiritual. It is also bad for those around you. If those around you are little ones, then they suffer additionally. They bear the brunt of the unforgiveness, not only by having to endure an ugly spirit, but also by learning the the trait of bitterness (which they will then practice and teach to their children). Jesus told Peter in Matthew 18:21-35 that we are to forgive repeatedly and from the heart! This isn't just a nice thing to do; it is a command straight from Jesus' mouth. I'm reminded of verse 6 earlier in the same chapter that says anyone who causes one of these little ones to stumble, it is better for a millstone to be hung around his neck and for him to be tossed into the depth of the ocean (my paraphrase). As parents, we have a huge responsibility to know how God wants us to behave because our children WILL emulate us. An attitude of forgiveness is a characteristic that will positively affect our children's walk with God and those He puts in their paths. It will help them more readily receive God's forgiveness as well as extend their own. I want my children to know how to forgive. I want them to see it lived out daily in my life, as I did in my parents'. Forgiveness is an act of obedience that God Himself demonstrates. Can we do any less if we are to be holy as He is holy?

One way I've learned to practice forgiveness is really simple. This is really effective with family members, but it extends to anyone. When someone hurts or offends me I ask myself the question, "Can I forgive him/her for that?" Usually, simply as an act of the will, I can; it isn't worth the effort to be upset about. (Unforgiveness takes a lot of energy to maintain!) On the occasions when I am unable to forgive them, I pray something like, "God, please help me forgive _____. Help me to have a forgiving attitude. Thank you for forgiving me..." And as I remember all that God has forgiven me for, forgiving someone else their wrongs toward me becomes much easier. In the light of God's forgiveness of my sins, somehow someone else's offense(s) toward me become overshadowed by God's truly amazing grace. I have found that the more I practice forgiveness, the easier it gets to forgive. It seems to work a bit like a muscle. As I think about it...bitterness works the same way.

What kind of muscles do you want to have?

A Picture of God's Grace

Earlier this summer I had an experience with one of my daughters that was priceless. However, I thought anyone who knew about it would think I'm a lunatic, so I couldn't bring myself to tell even Jay about it. I finally told him a couple of nights ago and he encouraged me to share it on the blog (maybe we're both lunatics!). So here goes...

Several weeks ago one of my daughters was having problems with a sibling. I sent this daughter to her room to wait for me while I dealt with the other child. When I got to my daughter, she was so upset that she was behaving disrespectfully toward me. I reminded her that the consequence for deliberate disrespect is a spanking and she needed to change her attitude. Her disrespect continued in spite of the warning. So I told her that I was going to have to spank her. My standard spanking is 2-3 swats depending on the age of the child and the offense. If they behave disobediently or disrespectfully during or just after the spanking then they get one additional swat per offense. This is usually very effective, but on this day it wasn't so much. Due to both disrespect and disobedience, my daughter ended up earning six swats. After the third swat I reminded her that we would be done if she hadn't been disobedient and disrespectful, but that she had earned those extra swats. She begged and pleaded, "Mommy, please, don't give me any more swats. I'll be nice. Please stop..." It about broke my heart. It really was awful. But she had earned the swats and I needed to remain true to what I had said. So I gave her the fourth swat. She continued to beg. This was the most heart wrenching spanking I'd ever given. An idea popped into my head but I thought to myself, "That's the most ludicrous thing I've thought in quite some time!" and took a deep breath and administered the fifth swat. By now I felt like crying too. My precious daughter continued to beg me to please stop. The thought in my head was quite loud by now and so I finally surrendered to the idea. I held out the spanking utensil and said, "Okay. I want you to give me the last swat." She looked at me and said, "No, Mommy...no. I can't do that." (She wasn't being disrespectful; she just had no clue where I was coming from!) I said, "Well then I'll give it to myself." I proceeded to give myself a swat hard enough that she knew really hurt. And then she looked at me and said, "Mommy, why did you do that?!" I said, "Darlin', did you deserve to have that swat?" "Yes," she replied. "Well, that is what Jesus did for you." She started sobbing. I said, "You deserved that swat. It had to be given. That is what the punishment was. I couldn't just not give it, because then what I say would be untrustworthy. And so, because I love you so much I took the punishment for you. I wanted to give you a picture of God's love for you. He loves you so much that He sent His Son to be punished in your place so that when He draws you to Himself and you turn toward Him and believe in Jesus you can know God and be with Him forever." My precious, tenderhearted daughter cried and cried. She cried for two days whenever she thought about that experience. So did I. It was a beautiful picture for both of us of God's amazing, abundant grace.

I know this is a simplified look at what Christ has done for us, but it painted a precious picture for my daughter that has helped her to further understand her relationship with God and what He's done for us. It also demonstrated to her the depths of my love for her. I am so grateful for the thought to do so in the first place. I know surely that it did not come from within me! God is so good!!!