Thankfulness

A couple of months after our third child, Timothy, was born I had one of those crazy days that made me decide, "Yep. I don't want any more children. That's it. I'm done!" And so I told Jay that I was okay with it if he still wanted to go ahead with a previously discussed "permanent solution" to that issue. We went through all the preliminary stuff and before we knew it we were scheduled to "get fixed," as we laughingly called it. At bedtime the night before the surgery, as we sat on the couch, I tearfully told Jay that I felt like we were making a mistake, like we were "playing God." What if God intended for us to have more children? What if we wanted more kids in the future? What if...? So Jay, in his love for me, said, "If you're not 100% sure about this, then we don't need to do it." The next morning we cancelled the appointment (which, by the way, isn't uncommon!).

Well, we moved to Oviedo, FL when Timothy was 8 months old. And as time went by I once again became certain, that I was done. I didn't want any more children. (By this time, though, we felt that a a "permanent solution" was no longer an option.) Shortly after I came to this realization, God threw us a huge curve ball. Quite unexpectedly, I got pregnant. Jay was away on a staff retreat when I bought the pregnancy test. I stayed up late, and after all the children were asleep I gathered up my nerve and took it. When it showed up positive I just started sobbing. For 15 minutes I cried so hard that I could hardly breathe. I prayed awful prayers like, "Please, God, take this baby back! I don't want it! Please. I can't do this again. Please...Just let me miscarry. Please..." (I am so very ashamed of this, but I want you to understand just how upset I was---I later sought God's forgiveness for praying such selfish, hateful and ungrateful prayers). I knew that this would be difficult news for Jay, too. I prayed with desperation that he would be with Ron (a good friend who worked with Jay and is very godly and brings good balance and perspective, and was also at the retreat with Jay). When I spoke with Jay the next day, he was riding back from the retreat with Ron and another co-worker. I said to him, "Guess what?!" He could tell by my tone of voice that something was up so he replied, "Sparkles (our cat) is pregnant again?!" to which I said, "Not Sparkles..." He dropped the phone. After picking it up he quickly told me he'd call me back. It was ordained by God that he was with Ron when I told him. Jay's response was tempered greatly, and I needed it to be. I spent the next 3 months in a pretty big depression and was mean and ugly to everyone. It was awful for all those around me. I was so angry at God. My poor family suffered in my presence during that period.

About 3 1/2 months into the pregnancy we were at church. It was praise and worship time and I was doing my best to worship God. You know, it's really hard to worship God when you are bitter and angry inside. But then something happened. It wasn't quite audible, but I did look next to me to be sure nobody actually spoke to me. It was that real. God spoke to my heart and said, "Dede, who do you think you are to be ungrateful for this gift I've given to you??? Remember in I Thess. 5:18 it says, 'In EVERYTHING give thanks, for this is the WILL of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.'" I was mortified. In my heart I repented right then and there. I realized it was direct disobedience to be ungrateful. Period. In everything give thanks...it's God's will. This marked a huge turning point in not only that pregnancy, but in my life in general. Lucy came and I remembered to be thankful for her, even though she did manage to come during hurricane Frances!

God has been so good to us. One night several months later I was washing the dishes by myself as the rest of the family relaxed. I was kind of grumbling to myself about that fact when I was reminded in my spirit, "Remember, in everything give thanks..." I started thanking God for anything I could think of... a family to cook for, dishes to eat off of, the food we just ate, my wonderful husband and precious children. I began to reflect on that time when God spoke to my heart that Sunday morning and how grateful I was to Him for caring enough about me to whisper to me and change me little by little into the person He wants me to be. And then it dawned on me. "Am I pregnant? Where's my calendar? Oh my goodness! I'm late!" I mentioned this to Jay, as he was sitting across the room. He said, "Go get a test now!" I did. Once again, it was positive. Five kids! But God, in His wonderful grace, had already prepared my heart as I was standing there washing those dishes all by myself. His grace is sufficient! I was able to thank and praise God with true gratitude when I found out. I didn't miss a beat... Not because of anything in me, but simply because of God's precious, wondrous grace.

Since I Thess. 5:18 (In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you) has become so real in my life, I have noticed something amazing. Giving thanks in all circumstances produces joy, peace and contentment. Who knew?! Yes! God did! If we will just obey His word, even when it's difficult or doesn't make sense, or we simply don't feel like it, He will pour out His blessings on us. Not necessarily in a physical, tangible sense, (although that can happen too) but in an internal, spiritual sense while He makes us more into the person He created us to be. As this happens, the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control) begins to manifest itself more and more in our lives. As I type this I can't help thinking of that old hymn called "Trust and Obey." It says, "Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." I know this to be true because I've experienced it first hand. I've also seen it happen in many others' lives. God's grace truly is amazing!

There's so much more to this story, but I'll save that for another time...It's late and I'm tired!

The Beginning--Michael W Smith-Oh Lord You're Beautiful

My Redeemer

When I Survey The Wondrous Cross by Steve Camp

Don't Be Deceived

We all need to look into the mirror and see if we bear the fruit of a believer


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Hard to Believe

When I was working with UCF after practice one day I brought a linebacker home and we had a great talk about God and went through the Gospel. He recognized that he was a sinner. When I told him "how to become a Christian" (pray this prayer, tell God you are a sinner and ask him to be your savior.) He looked at me and said "Jay that doesn't make sense. You are telling me that I can pray this prayer and now I am a Christian." He made such a strong statement that made me dig deeper into scripture. See I was told from the time I was little you pray this prayer and you become a Christian. Well as I read the Bible I began to see a different picture. Jesus said in John 6:44-45 "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day. It is written in the prophets, ‘And they shall all be taught by God.’Therefore everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to Me." He tells us God draws us to him, and as you look through scripture you see that God gives us the ability to repent. It doesn't come from us. We are dead in our sins, a dead man can do nothing. When we become believers God changes us it is called sanctification. I was introduced to a series of sermonds by John MaCarthur called "Hard to Believe" that was a great help to me. I hope you benefit as much as I have.

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John Piper's God Exalting Grammar

In Christ Alone

When I first became a ChristianI learned a lot through the Christian Music I listened to. It was packed full of scripture, and sound doctrine. The music I was drawn to glorified God and challenged me in my daily walk. Back then there were very few people singing Christian music, today the Christian music world is full of more genres than there were groups when I was introduced to it. In this post I want to highlight music that is rich in text that brings glory to God.





Everytime I listen to In Christ Alone I can't help but think of the scripture that supports the lyrics. I included the lyrics below for your benefit.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

Contentment

A few years back God gave me a huge lesson in contentment and it has stayed with me through these years. We were building a house and while the house was being built, the one we were living in sold. We ended up having to live in a very tiny single wide trailer that was absolutely filthy. We had just had our 2nd child about 3 weeks prior to moving in to this tiny trailer. I determined before we ever moved in that I would NOT complain about living there and would instead appreciate that God had provided a place for us to stay. We ended up living in that trailer for about 6 months. God in his graciousness taught me about contentment during that period. Contentment has very little, if anything at all, to do with our circumstances--the place where we are or the things that we do or don't have. It has a great deal to do with the attitudes of our heart and mind and their focus. When I focus on my circumstances, that's what I see. They might be good or bad, but my happiness will be determined by those circumstances. But if I choose to look past my circumstances and instead focus on God's precious blessings and appreciate those things, (whether I can touch or see them is irrelevant) then contentment is the natural byproduct. Not only contentment...but joy as well!
This lesson applies to so many areas of life, including the adventures we encounter during our family adventures! It would be easy to gripe and complain about camping in the heat with the bugs and a boat that doesn't want to start so we can go home. But where is the good in that? I would rather appreciate the time we get to spend together as a family building memories that will teach my children invaluable lessons about God and life. If I focus on the negative, then so will they. Yet, if I appoach difficulties with an attitude of contentment (and yes, JOY!), then that is the approach they will emulate. We want to build memories with our children that they will carry with them throughout their lives as times that we had fun together (this acts like glue among family members) and that will teach them how to live. I told a friend recently that camping in the summer heat with the bugs might not necessarily be fun, but it will be memorable! My attitude and focus will determine whether or not it's fun. And I've discovered...as my attitude goes, so does theirs. ~Dede

Keep an Eye on the Business End

While I was at UCF I made a lot of great friends who are very dear to me and have had an impact on my life. There was a walk-on O-lineman that has encouraged me, challenged me spiritually and became one of my best friends. One day we were talking, as men do, about this and that and one of us came up with the idea of hunting alligators. We did our research and bought our tags. He drove up to Gainesville and we set out for our first hunt. Neither one of us had any idea what we were doing. We got to the boat ramp and spent a half an hour draining my boat. It had filled with water when it rained because I had left the plug in. The motor wasn’t running right so we could only go about 3 miles an hour, I forgot my GPS and couldn’t find the boat ramp so we spent the entire night in the boat only to discover we were a short distance in front of the ramp. In spite of all that, we did catch a gator. Then we had no idea what to do with it. It is amazing we went back!
We have been out many times since then and caught numerous alligators. We have had nights where everything goes great and other nights where nothing goes as planned. We have been waist deep in the muck pulling the boat, we have had to stand on floating grass and drag the boat back to the water, we have had gators we thought were dead that walk across the bottom of the boat, and Skelly has even been thrown out of a boat into the lake!
About half way through the first season Dede relented and allowed me to take the kids gator hunting. One of the first nights we caught a nice 8’3” gator and they were right in the middle of it. I made sure they knew that the most import thing is to keep and eye on the "business end." Once they understood that, the fear was gone. They know that grabbing a gator by the tail or leg is OK; just watch the mouth. One night we had an 8 footer who got all tangled up. We were unable to get the boat back in the trees to him. My buddy Cary finally got a snare around his leg and cut the rope so we could pull him out. We hit him with a .38 cal bang stick which didn’t kill him; it just slowed him down. Since we had cut the rope I had him by his legs. He was angled where we could not safely hit him with the bang stick again. I was ready to be done. It was late and this was our last night for the season. The gator was opening and closing his mouth and I had the timing down, so I told Hannah, my 10yr old at the time, to grab his leg. Without hesitation she grabbed his leg and I grabbed his mouth when he closed it. We taped him up and threw him in the boat to end another successful season.
Alligator hunting has been one of the best things we do as a family. My children have courage, they are resourceful, they are tough, they are imaginative and most of all, they have great stories to tell kids on the play ground! We were at the UCF vs UF softball game for the Regional tournament. A man sat down in front of us wearing his gator costume (blue and orange t-shirt, shorts hat etc.). My son Timothy said, "a good gator is a dead gator!" The man turned around and asked, “Do you know how to kill a gator?” With a proud look on his face Timothy said yes and began giving a lesson. The man asked, “Have you ever killed a gator?” Timothy responded with a giant smile, “Yes, 6 foot 1!” Come to find out the man’s wife works for a gator processor in Christmas Florida. Imagine that. ~Jay

Camping in July

We decided to go camping July 4th weekend. We heard comments from people like “Camping in July?! It's way to hot!” or “The bugs are going to be horrible.” etc. Against their counsel we decided to go camping anyway. We loaded up our boat with our gear and headed to Shired Island just south of Horseshoe beach on the Gulf Coast of Florida. We put in at the boat ramp and headed out to Little Pine Island where we camp. Even that can be full of adventure.
I have yet to figure the best route out of the little river where the boat ramp is. I got hung up on multiple sandbars and oyster beds. Dede and I had to get out and push to get us unstuck. I was very thankful this time because I did not cut my feet on the oysters. Last time I put a big gash that was an irritant for the weekend. When we arrived at the island the tide was going out so we anchored the boat off the beach. We all (including Eli and Lucy-the little ones) carried our gear in from the boat. We were in a bit of a rush because it appeared that we were going to get hit by an afternoon thunder buster. We got our camp set up and the storm went around us. We had a nice breeze all weekend that made it cool and kept the bugs away. The heat was only bad a couple hours each day. We were on an island so we went swimming.
The motor on my boat had some choke issues, and a split in the fuel line, which caused me to run the battery down. When we got ready to leave the battery didn’t have enough juice to get the motor started. So Dede jumped in the water and began pulling while I tried our second battery, it was weak as well. I then jumped in and helped her pull. We pulled for about three hours and got pretty close to the little river the boat ramp was on but the current was now in our face and we were pulling hard with little to no movement. Hannah, our oldest daughter, waved the paddle at a passing boat and they pulled us the rest of the way in. This was a reminder to us all that life isn’t always what you have planned. Sometimes we must jump in and do what it takes to get things done. Sometimes we must humble ourselves and take a helping hand.
We had a great time; we fished, Timothy got really good at catching blue crabs, we watched the fireworks at Horseshoe Beach from our camp. The best parts, though, are the lessons we learned.~Jay

What is the Gospel?

I grew up with the Gospel or Good News being: If we pray a prayer telling God we are a sinner, and ask him to come into our heart we are a Christian. When I was 8 years old I did just that. I went forward in Children's Church with a bunch of other children, prayed this magic prayer and was pronounced a Christian. I was sincere, I told my parents and was baptised, but was I a believer? Later in high school I went to a Christian meeting at the High School. One of my childhood friends shared his testimony. That night I went into the bathroom and broke down. I was convicted of my sin, I hated my sin. I recognized how wicked I was and knew I needed God's help. I asked him to change me and he did.

I am concerned that many of us are putting our faith in a prayer we prayed instead of the life changing power of Jesus Christ. I hope this video encourages you. ~Jay

Life is an Adventure

Years ago I was awkened by the reality that so often our lives are consumed with watching others live. We spend our time and money going to movies, watching tv and reading books about someone else's great adventure while we sit there doing nothing. I have decided that I will not watch others live. I will experience life and my children also will experience life. This doesn't mean that everyday is an adventure. Instead it means everything is an adventure. Adventure can be found going to the store, helping a friend, or chasing alligators in a swamp! We have decided that our adventure will not come from someone else's imagination, but instead it will come from what we experience each day of our lives.~Jay

"It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly...who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt, 1910